I just wanted to make it known that I am doing well. I haven't dropped off the face of livejournal because I've gone into any sort of downward spiral, crashed and burned, or anything so sordid or tragic. :) I'm still living in Oviedo, Florida, enjoying the Sunshine/Hurricane/Brush Fire State to the fullest.
I'm actually very happy with my life. I have a wonderful boyfriend, I'm being wooed by a great new company, and I've finally grown up. ;) Yes, I am becoming my mother. Or my father. Or a little bit of both.
I'm working on my autobiographical book (very slowly), I have a couple more scenes to film for Alone and Restless in June (you can still look me up on imdb.com).
Life is life, and I'm enjoying the little joys that each day brings. Those of you who know me know that I've been through some sheee-it, mostly due to my own hard-headedness. I'm happy to tell you that I am finally the woman that I never thought I would be (not that it isn't a work in progress). There are roads that I will NEVER travel again, because I'm just too damn smart for that. Those of you who know me know what I'm talking about. ;)
I have Lyme Disease, but it doesn't bother me. I'm actively researching all possible protocols and therapies out there. I'm eating healthy, and watching over my mind and body. Everything has fallen into place.
If anyone is interested in getting in touch of me, you are much more likely to get a response by emailing me at my current email address:
I wish each and every one of you joy, fulfilment, and happiness in life. Take care of yourselves, and drop a line sometime!
- Current Location:Oviedo, Florida
- Current Mood: peaceful
He was very much bisexual when we were together... and then I sent him a Dear John letter while he was in basic training for the marines. I saw him again when I was pregnant with my son, Nathan, and haven't seen him since.
Always wondered what happened to him...
I wonder if he's actually IN Tampa (my brother's in Tampa), or just writing for their thingy on-line...
*wanders off to do more research*
I love google.
- Current Mood: curious
No, really. It blows.
I didn't quite make it all day yesterday. This makes me a pussy, because I'm wearing a patch! I put on the patch at 10:22 in the morning, and took three drags off a cigarette butt at 11:55 last night. So I made it 13.5 hours. Which is about 3 times longer than the first time I tried to quit.
So as of exactly midnight last night, I haven't had a cigarette. I'm acknowledging my little slip, and starting the count over today, because I'm obsessive like that.
It's weird, because physically I don't need the nicotine. But every time my mind rests for a moment, the first thought that pops back in is: Cigarette! It's less today than it was yesterday, actually. I haven't even felt like eating much, because I know that once I eat, I'll just want a cigarette. I don't know if that's a normal reaction.
I am on my second cup of coffee for the day, though. I need SOMETHING, damn it!
I finished playing Indigo Prophecy yesterday. It's a cinematic X-Box game, actually really good. At the beginning of the game, you've just committed a murder (Lucas Kane), or come to after committing a murder. Your body was being controlled by someone else. The viewpoint alternates between Lucas Kane, and the police investigators researching the murder, which is pretty unique. It only took me about ten hours to finish the game, but the storyline was well put together. Throughout the game you have to do things to keep your mental health up, since Lucas fears that he's going insane. If the mental health meter drops down to the bottom you get locked up in a loony bin or you commit suicide (oops). You spend the game as Lucas, trying to get to the bottom of what happened to you, and as the investigators, trying to solve the murder crime (so everyone's really after the same thing). Neat idea. There are bonus items you can purchase with tarot cards you find in the game, like movies, parts of the soundtrack, certain sequences in the game you can replay, and a bunch of artwork (stills).
Check it out if you're looking for something cool that doesn't require a huge time commitment to finish off.
- Current Mood: CIGARETTE!
So I have on hand the 21mg patch, and I just smoked my last cigarette this morning.
Any advice is appreciated.
Quitting smoking with a patch almost seems as counter-productive as quitting heroin with methadone, but I need to be able to manage the anxiety. I've shoved enough chemicals in my body that I've altered my chemical balance in some way, permanently. As of the 17th of Dec, I've developed some sort of anxiety/panic disorder. More about that later, because it was a wicked experience.
Anyone out there ever had a panic/paranoia attack on epic scale? Like, 200 out of 10 on the richter scale of anxiety attacks? Not fun. Words cannot describe the horror inherent. It was actually my primary motivation for going to rehab (I arrived there on the 27th of Dec and just got back this last Monday). Dying isn't scary, thinking you might be losing your mind... definitely scary. The entire ten days before I got to rehab I was taking xanax like crazy just to keep the fear at bay. Once I got to Oklahoma, it was gone, and I only had mild anxiety a few times, until I got home and tried to smoke weed one time. One time is all it took, because I had a 150 out of 10 attack right after smoking weed. Without the weed, they're maybe a 2-5 out of 10, and they don't have the associated paranoia, just anxiety.
I've done some research since I got back, and there are quite a few studies out there now linking marijuana use to an increase in panic disorders (http://www.newscientist.com/article.n
Here's the first one that I read (for that "holy wow" moment) ... excerpted because it's long:
( Read more...Collapse )
So yeah. No more weed for Jamie. Whatever changes I made to my chemistry brought me to the saturation point with weed, and I can't smoke without exactly the same thing happening again (I did try it once since I've gotten home, and the same type of thing happened).
But even normal levels of anxiety freak me out a little now. I've always been a little bit high strung, but very emotionally stable. I'm still very stable, but I don't like having to clamp down on my mind when I get that on-rush of fight or flight that has no seeming cause. Cigarettes and caffeine can be triggers for that kind of thing, and I'm trying to remove ALL triggers.
We'll see how the cigarette smoking thing goes, though. I've been smoking for about 2.5 years now, so it shouldn't be all that hard to quit, right? Heh. Yeah.
Any advice is appreciated!
- Current Mood: thoughtful
So my little sister, brother, and I went to the beach yesterday. Celebrating my arrival back in Florida. My brother drove over from Tampa (he's stationed at MacDill AFB now) for his weekend, which runs Wednesday afternoon through Saturday (lucky bastard). We went to, ah, New Smyrna, and spent about four hours on the beach. At no point during this four hours did we think to put on suntan lotion. I never use lotion anyway, because I hold dearly to the thought that I don't burn. No, not me! Sunburn? Ha!
It was only as we were driving home, and the sunlight coming through the car window hit my arm with what felt like an audible sizzle, that I realized I might be in trouble.
We get back to my parents' house, and they see that ALL THREE of their children are burnt to a crisp. This is probably when they began to seriously doubt their parenting skills, since we couldn't muster up enough common sense between the THREE of us to use suntan lotion. For God's sake, between all of us we have 68 years of experience!
So today my sister and I are hobbling around the house like 90-year-old women, and lathering each other up with aloe.
Live and learn.
- Current Mood: naughty
Hey party people. I'm back from a four month sojourn in "lovely" Oklahoma. Details, details shall be forthcoming, but they will probably be private. So keep your eye out.
I'm still alive. Working on my book, working on a screenplay.
Reconnecting with people and such.
I have about 6,000 email messages to sort through, but I wanted a drop a line and say I'm still alive.
*and the peasants rejoice*